Ce's Blog

Life as I know it

nobody@vox.com(Ce) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 06:15:59 -0700

Ok so here I am, almost 4 months later from my last blog entry. Things have changed; most for the better depending on which way you look at it. For the first time in 4 years, I am unemployed. It feels really weird. I have had friends over the years who have been temporarily unemployed. I now know that you really cannot empathize unless you are in the same position. As cliche as it may sounds, being unemployed really does make you feel like a social outcast. You are at home all day while the rest of the world is out making money and contributing to society and to the economy. Mind you, my unemployment was a result of the company moving back to its roots in the US... but even though I know I could not have done anything different to prevent this, it still feels like a slap in the face.

Cleaning out my desk made me feel a mix of emotions. Mainly bittersweet. On the one hand I realized that this is going to be the beginning of a new chapter in my life. Hopefully one that will get me one step ahead of where I really want to be. On the other hand, I have made so many friends at work over the years. Knowing that I will never work with the exact same group of people ever again made me really sad. Saying goodbye to those who started with me 4 years ago was the hardest. These were the people I considered my friends at work. These were the people who went through the same things I did at work over the past 4 years. Even though we all moved on to different departments and positions over the years, and even though we did not meet up for every break and for lunch everyday like we used to in that first year with the company, the bond was still very strong.

I also realized something very important: you should never be too busy to make time for people and for yourself. For the past 2 years, I barely took a proper lunch break, and I never took any breaks during the day. I would be too busy to meet up with friends for lunch; often limiting lunch to half an hour if I did go out. Going through my work files and realizing that there was nothing I needed to take with me, I threw everything in the recycle bin. Yep, everything. All the hard work, all of the sweat and tears were be thrown out in a matter of minutes. And in that instant I had an 'AHA!' moment. 'AHA! You took this job WAY too seriously!', 'AHA! In the end, none of the hard work meant anything!', 'AHA! I will never, ever compromise my own well-being for a job that nobody cares about!'

And so I sit here, waiting for the relief to hit me. Relief knowing that I don't have to walk back in there and work on the backlog of work. Relief knowing that I am now responsible for myself only and no one else. Relief knowing that the ship has sunk.. and that I no longer need to try to prove that it is still worth saving. Relief knowing that I am finally free from a place that I loved so much and also a place that I loved to hate. It was never about the work, but it was always about the people. And those that have had a real impact on me and those that I really care about and respect will always be in my life; those are the ones I will keep in touch with. They are the one great thing I will take away from the company.

And just when I thought the future looked bleak, my husband pointed out my horoscope from the latest Elle Canada magazine that could not have come at a better time:

SCORPIO

You stepped into the limelight around 1999 (after having worked hard since 1994). by 2003/2004, you had a strong sense of yourself: what you could do and no longer wanted to do. You're still in a strong position to go after what you want and demand that the universe deliver it to you! You're extremely busy this year; short trips, new acquaintances, wheeling and dealing, negotiations and increased studying, reading and writing, as well as a stronger focus on family, are just some of the things that will keep you on the run. But your optimism is strong: You believe in yourself and your future. Your biggest challenge is to learn how to fit others into your life without losing your own identity and integrity. This is no easy feat! You're serious about your long-term goals. Get involved in group athletic activities this summer so that you'll be pumped by the time your birthday arrives. In December, cash will be flowing in both directions - you'll be working hard to earn it as fast as you spend it. (You like your treats.)

Mantra "My external limitations are self-imposed. I'm in charge of my life!"

I have never read something that mirrored my life so much as this blurb of a horoscope. And just like that, I was back.. I am ready and rearing to go.

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Best Friends Forever

nobody@vox.com(Ce) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:35:16 -0800

In grade 8 I learned what I did NOT want in a best friend. I did not want to have friends who were compulsive liars. Those were the exact words I used too. After I left grade 8, I vowed that the friends I made in high school would NOT be compulsive liars. Those would not be the types of relationships I would want.

In grade 9 I met up with some old friends whom I hadn't seen in a while. I reunited with someone I had known since kindergarden, and we became very close friends. I considered her to be my best friend. In grade 10 I learned what it was like to lose your best friend. It was horrible. I was scarred. Did I really lose a best friend because she thought that we had nothing in common anymore? Isn't that kind of premature as a friend? Just because you don't necessarily have EVERYTHING in common, does that mean you just stop caring about someone and can no longer call them your friend? No wonder I held a grudge for more that 10 years?

In grade 10, I had what I considered to be my first 'real' best friend. We shared everything... our feelings, our excitements, our boy stories, our hopes and dreams... we would even write in our own secret notebook to one another with our most intimate, secretive thoughts. Sounds like love..?!.. it was... in a girly, platonic way. We were like sisters. She called my parents mom and dad. I felt such pure thoughts of nothing but happiness for her. I would do anything for her and she would always have my back in return. In grade 12, that bond ended because of a boy. Rumours spread, and let's just say that this rumor was something I had shared ONLY with my best friend. Who then shared it with her boyfriend. Who then shared it with his friend. Who then shared it with his friend. Who then shared it with others who went to high school with my boyfriend. Who then shared it with me. Who then got really mad at my best friend because obviously she had started this (true) rumour. And that was the end of that. That grudge lasted for over 5 years.

After that I had many 'best friends'. But I shyed away from calling any one person my best friend. Except for my twin sister and my boyfriend.. who had always been my best friend even before he was my boyfriend. But having a girl best friend was different. It was a bond between two girls. It was being your true self with this other girl.

What I have learned over the years is that it's not necessary to have one person labelled as your best friend. Why limit yourself? There are so many reasons why a girl should have many best friends. Every person brings something to the table. And heck, don't limit yourself to girls... guy best friends are definately interesting too. But, I wanted to write about girl best friends tonight because I am intrigued. Girls talk about how 'complicated' their relationships are with their boyfriends. Luckily for me, I've never really had this problem. For myself, I have always felt I had more complicated relationships with girls. I've never been through a real break-up with a guy. I feel like I've had several breakups with my girl friends. Don't get me wrong.. I'm not one of those girls that allow themselves to believe 'I just don't get a long with other girls'. I think this is a bunch of crap. For those girls out there who believe that, it's not the other girls, it's YOU. In my experience, those are the girls who also believe that everyone is 'jealous' of them.

In retrospect, I think back and remember how I was the type of person who lived for her girl friendships. I would do everything with the girls. My life was my friends... I remember this one day when my girlfriends were over. They came over a lot... our home was the place to hang out for a long time. That particular day, my dad told my sister and I that we were lucky to have such great friends. That we should enjoy it while we can. At the time, I didn't understand why we wouldn't be able to enjoy it later on. My dad explained that as people get older, they get married, they have careers, they move away.. chances are we would never be this close ever again. I disagreed with my whole heart with my dad that day. 'Not us...', I said, 'I don't believe it necessarily has to be that way, and so I won't let it'. As I should have known, my father is always right. Everyone grows up. Life happens. People get married. People move away. You don't talk on the phone everyday anymore. Heck, you don't even see each other everyday as you used to when you were in high school. It's different.

But it's a good different. Because everytime you get together, you pick up right where you left off. So what if you need to have an invite posted into your Outlook calendar for a ladies' night. At least the effort is there. At least you still have as much to talk about now as you did then. Maybe even more now. Conversations are so much more mature now than they were 10 years ago. The financial situation is also so much better now than 10 years ago... so going out and having a good time is doubled with the fact that you don't need to worry about running out of money as you did back then.

Leading separate lives also brings more to the table. You meet new people. You get to see how other people live.. how other people are. You tend to come out of your bubble and actually notice other people around you, as now you are open to meeting new people. Looking back, I was so unbelievably self-absorbed with myself and my friends that I barely paid attention to anyone else. A year or so ago, I ran into someone from high school at the gym. I hadn't seen him for a long time, and had assumed he had moved away. So I asked him where he had moved to. 'What do you mean? I graduated with you...' OOOOoOOps! Of course he did! Where the hell was I?

It gives you more time to notice your family. Was I really waa-ay too cool to be seen with my parents? I look at my parents now, and I think about how I really enjoy their company. My dad was always a big fan of the family sitting down at the kitchen table during dinner to talk and catch up about the day. Unfortunately, when you're constantly with your friends, that does not always happen. Over the past few years, dinner time became dinner HOURS. Just talk and talk and talk. Being so candid with one another.. I realized how my parents are my best friends. I can tell them everything, and they will always support me and care about me no matter what happens. Somewhere along the way I also realized that they were interesting people. Also very funny.. but then my dad has always had a great sense of humour and my mom doesn't always understand our endless sarcasm, which makes it even funnier.

Leading a life separate from your friends also allows you to be you. Have you ever noticed that friends dress, talk and ACT like each other?! Heck, they sometimes even get their periods at the same time! [Strange, but true facts.] Bursting the bubble has allowed me to notice things about well, myself. About things that I really like. Things that I really don't. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that being part of a group of girlfriends means you can't speak up. I always spoke up.. and my big mouth got me into a lot of trouble and unnecessary drama. But ... you can really learn things about yourself that you wouldn't necessarily take time to get to know if you were constantly surrounded by your friends.

One thing that I have realized in the past year or so. I love my friends. I still feel as close to most of them now as I felt before. I still share my deep thoughts with those select few. I still feel that strong bond with them. I still feel that urge to call up a girlfriend to hang out.. instead of chilling at Coffee Time to chain smoke for hours at a time, I now call them up for a nice dinner with a bottle of wine. No matter where you are in life or what you have going on... you need your girlfriends. Because they've got you.. just like you will always have them. In times of crises, they are the ones you turn to. Because they are your support system.

So the lesson of the day: girlfriend relationships can be just as complicated as those you share with boyfriends. No matter what, you must always make the effort to maintain these friendships. Even though it will never be the same, as you were once joined at the hips, we need to remember that it's a healthy part of life. If your girlfriend doesn't call you for a few weeks, don't think she's mad at you. Think instead that she is out there somewhere leading her fabulous life and that you are proud of her for that. Because as much as you may love to hang out 24/7... love means letting go too. Girlfriends will go out there and lead their own lives. And at the end of the day it doesn't matter if you talk everyday, text once in a while, have dinner once a month... when you get together, it will be as if nothing has ever changed. That's what true friendship is all about.

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Restlessness leads to Lust

nobody@vox.com(Ce) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 19:25:53 -0800

In the past week I have experienced that familiar feeling of restlessness. I cannot explain why exactly. I have a full, busy life filled with many people I love and am close to. I work full time. I take HR courses part time. I meet up with family. I meet up with friends. I have learned to cook. I try to sing, but according to my husband I am tone deaf. [Usually the urge to sing comes out during American Idol.] I realize that if Chris and I had a child, he/she would grow up to be a wonderful singer because he/she would have my beautiful voice with Chris' knack for tone. Yes ladies and gentlemen, my husband claims I am tone deaf and I believe him. But I digress.

The feeling of 'oh GAWD, I need to do SOMETHING' has brought out the repressed feeling of lust that has been forced into hiding due to something I'd like to call paying my mortgage.

Hence, the list begins of the things I have secretly [and am now openly] coveting:

Nikon D40

I've decided to take up photography because I do not have a creative eye but love beautiful things. With training I believe I can build my creative eye and create my own beautiful thing.

Blackberry Curve 8320

This baby is exactly what I love. Gold, sexy and is able to do my every bidding as I command. Rogers Inc, I will NOT be buying this from you. I will be 'getting it off a truck' as STEPHANIE from Customer Relations has suggested in order for me to own this beaut. [Long story..too long to explain.]

Pink IPOD Nano

That's right Ladies and Gents. This hot number comes in PINK! Perfect for a Valentine's Day gift. If you don't receive this as a gift... go ahead and buy it for yourself. Because you're WORTH IT!

Well, looks like I've got some saving to do. In the meantime, I will just admire from afar. And obsess from within. Damn... should've made this wishlist before my birthday and Christmas.

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A Night Out in Toronto

nobody@vox.com(Ce) — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 16:09:40 -0800

Toronto is known to most of the world as a very safe, friendly place. For the most part, I agree with this. I generally agree that Torontonians are friendly, with some exceptions. My issue tonight is with the nightlife in Toronto , and specifically bouncers at downtown clubs in Toronto .

People go to nightclubs to have a good time. Toronto is known to have a good nightlife. This is great for the economy of Toronto , and also for tourism in Toronto . Young people have money to spend and want to spend it going out and having a great time with friends. I have been going to Toronto clubs in downtown Toronto since I turned 19 years old. It has been 8 years now, of clubbing almost every weekend. Needless to say, I quite enjoy clubbing. What I do not appreciate are the rude, sarcastic, power-tripping bouncers that are hired by clubs in downtown Toronto . Don’t get me wrong, I have had many pleasant experiences with some bouncers, but generally I have found that these bouncers generally act as though they have so much power over their customers that are just itching go get in a spend their money in the club. I had once seen a few bouncers throw a drunk customer on the ground, telling him to “get lost”. This person needed help, not punishment.

Tonight I went out to celebrate my best friend’s 27^th birthday. The night started at Bistro333. The dinner was great. My best friend wanted to go there, because she was told by the manager that if her party had dinner there, she would be given free passes with line by-pass to Distrikt Nightclub in downtown Toronto . It sounded like a great deal to her and to the rest of the party. After spending over $700 at Bistro333, the party of 18 people proceeded to Distrikt Nightclub in the cold, snowy night. When we got there, one of the bouncers at the door told us that he knows ‘of’ this manager at Bistro333, but that he could not let us in, even if Bistro333 had told us we would get in right away. I thought it was amusing that this manager of Bisto333 promoted Distrikt Nightclub to a party of 18, and Distrikt did not even bat an eye and thank their lucky stars that this person had sent them some business. Considering we had just spent $700, we were not even halfway done our night yet. We wanted to have a great time celebrating our friend’s birthday, and being 27ish young professionals, we had money to spend; which we did throughout the night. We stayed until they started turning on their lights at around 2:45am; which means that the party is over. Even the fact that there were police officers at the doors when we arrived at the club could not deter us from having an good time tonight. We simply could not be alarmed if there were uniformed officers on the premises, which really is not the norm for most clubs in Toronto .

So we waited in the lineup for some time because we were not given the line by-pass we were promised. Once we got inside, we paid $3 to check in our coats, most of us leaving a $2 tip for the persons keeping an eye on our jackets. Once we walked further inside the club, we found ourselves inside an empty club. Of course thoughts went through our minds: ‘They made us wait outside in the freezing December cold for an empty club? Where is the humanity of keeping people outside to freeze?’

The night was fun enough. At 2:45am, the lights started to turn on, which meant the club was closing and it was time to leave. This is very early to end the night for a Toronto nightclub. Perhaps it could have been because Toronto was experiencing the first big snowstorm of this winter season. We waited in the line to pick up our jackets to leave. I gave 3 tickets to the coat check person: mine, my friend’s, and my husband’s. This means I should have gotten 3 coats back. However, I only got two. According to the coat check girl, they no longer had my husband’s jacket. I asked the girl what she meant by that. She stated that the hanger that my husband’s jacket was on no longer had his jacket on it. She asked me what it looked like. I described it to her, to which her response was ‘You don’t have to be rude. It’s not MY fault.’ At this point, it is 3am in the morning. There is a snowstorm outside. Distrikt Nightclub had lost my husband’s jacket; along with his jacket were his hat, scarf, gloves, and a sweater. And this girl did not want to take responsibility. I very quickly informed the girl that I was not being rude, I was merely describing the jacket to her, and it certainly was not MY fault that the jacket may have been given to the incorrect person. The fact is that I paid $3 plus $2 tip for the coat check people to guard our jackets, and to give us our jackets back at the end of the night using the tickets that THEY THEMSELVES had given to us to pick up our jackets. I hardly believe that this is a hard thing to do. Take my money, give me a ticket, watch my jacket, and then give it back to me. Take accountability for losing a jacket. It is certainly not the customer’s fault if the jacket was lost on the premises, and perhaps given to the wrong person. I asked the girl what would be done about this. She responded that we could talk to the manager, but would not advise me to do so at the moment, because he was busy trying to get people to leave the club. As if that was my problem. I asked numerous times to numerous people to speak to the manager. I got many responses as to why I could NOT speak with the manager, the last response being that he was “busy counting the money in the back room”. Okay… so he was busy counting the money he made that night from my friends and I, and could not come out and speak to us face-to-face.

I was told that my husband and I should call on Monday. Let’s see… the last time I checked, nightclubs were not opened on Monday. What was my husband supposed to do without a winter jacket on Saturday night, Sunday and probably on Monday? Most likely I would reach the voicemail, and after that a callback denying that the situation ever happened to begin with. Obviously this was an assumption on my part; I just could not understand why the manager could not come out and face the situation on the spot. Why did it have to wait until Monday? As well, I asked the bouncer who gave me this news how my husband was supposed to get home in the snow wearing only a thin short-sleeved dress shirt. His blank stare told me that it was not his problem and that he did not care.

In the meantime, the coat check girl was getting very defensive and irate because I asked her for the ticket number back. She said, ‘I already gave it back to you like you had asked me to.’ Unfortunately for her, she was caught in her own lie, as one of her colleagues who was standing next to her was holding the ticket in her hand and promptly returned it to me. The ticket number was 1550. At this point it was almost 3:30am, with no resolution in sight. I was very irate. I was in a heated discussion with the girl, expressing my frustration, when one of the bouncers came over and yelled at us to stop bothering the coat check girl. Little did he know that she was the one who became irate first, and I was at that point defending my position within this situation. I told him that this was my husband’s jacket, and that I was not happy with the non-outcome of this non-existing resolution. His response was ‘So? I have a wife at home.’ I looked at him in disbelief because I could not understand the point he was trying to make with this statement. I asked him if he would allow his wife to walk out of a club without her jacket in this snowstorm. Obviously his blank stare told me his answer was no.

I understand these people wanted to get home. We all wanted to get home. But luckily for them, they all had their coats, jackets, scarves, hats, gloves to weather the snowstorm we were experiencing at that point. My husband did not. I would also like to point out this was not an inexpensive jacket and it was a new jacket. I had purchased this jacket for him 3 weeks ago; the sweater was not inexpensive, nor the hat, gloves and scarf. I wanted someone to take accountability and to let me know how Distrikt Nightclub would handle this situation. I was very disappointed to see that they did not have a procedure in place for this type of situation. I am sure this is not the first time this has happened and am very confident this will not be the last.

As it turned out, my husband and I had to take a cab home. We could not find a cab, as being on the main street where there were many people leaving clubs along the same street, all cabs were full. We ended up walking to Yonge and Queen, where we had to pay $90 for a cab ride home because of the bad road conditions. Imagine walking from Peter/Richmond to Yonge/Queen with a light jacket that would not zip up due to a broken zipper. This is the jacket that Distrikt Nightclub provided to my husband because they could not find his.

I wanted to write this story because I think it is important for people to know that Distrikt Nightclub is not a place of integrity. They will gladly take your money, but at the end of the night, customer or not, they will not care what happens to you. What kind of heartless people run this place? As mentioned earlier, there were some police officers on the premises. As my friends waited patiently outside the club [they were told to leave, even when they explained that they were waiting for friends who were still inside the club], they asked the police officers to help them with the situation. The police officers asked them to move out of the way, as they had to make sure the GARBAGE and RECYCLABLES were packed as they should be. This was what the police officers were hired for? I am sure that we can all now peacefully sleep at night knowing this little piece of information. The police officers ignored the situation altogether, as they were too busy packing the garbage. As well, another situation arose outside, where some of the bouncers were giving a party of girls a hard time. A guy friend of mine calmly tried to de-escalate the situation. The response was less than friendly, and should even be considered as [life] threatening.

I also wanted to write this story to shine some light on shady business that occurs within this place. First off, my friends and I smelled smoke within the club throughout the night. Obviously people were smoking inside, while the club bouncers and owner or manager turned a blind eye. This was displayed in front of me while I was speaking with one of the bouncers about the situation at the end of the night; he lit and smoked his cigarette at the club in front of me. The last time I checked, there was a law put into place June 2004 [I could be wrong about this date] which prohibited smoking within nightclubs. My friends and I also smelt Marijuana within the club during the night. The last time I checked this was ILLEGAL in Ontario . Considering that supposedly all persons are frisked when entering the club, obviously the bouncers did not do such a good job with checking what people were bringing into the club, or again, they turned a blind eye.

If these nightclubs are recognized in Toronto as businesses, they should be obligated to abide by the law. They should also have rules and procedures put into place to handle escalated issues. It is not enough to have the bouncers turn customers away and tell them to call on Monday. This would be unacceptable for any other businesses who do not take accountability for their actions. It should therefore not be accepted for these businesses. It is too easy to have illegal under-the-table practices occur if these businesses are not made to abide by the law and rules and principles of the norm. These nightclubs should be inspected more closely to ensure that they do resemble and act like legitimate businesses. For this reason they should have set procedures put into place, where all nightclubs must follow these procedures.

I will be contacting the manager of Distrikt Nightclub on Monday. Quite frankly, I am almost certain that I will not get a response, and that somewhere out there someone will be running around wearing my husband’s sweater, hat, gloves, scarf, jacket, while my husband now has to buy another brand new jacket, hat, gloves, scarf and sweater. Someone should be held accountable for this. And I would like that someone to be the owners/managers of Distrikt Nightclub.

I would really appreciate for this story to be published in the Toronto Star. I feel strongly that this has happened to many people, and that it will continue to occur unless something is done about it. The nightclub industry gets away with so much, which other businesses would be in big trouble for. Could this be because when their business is open, most of us are usually sleeping safe and sound in our warm beds that we could not be bothered investigating what goes on within these downtown nightclubs? If this is the case, then the industry is headed in the wrong direction. People should be able to go out and have a great time in Toronto . Corrupt nightclubs should not damper the mood and ruin the image of nighttime clubbing in our wonderful city.

As mentioned, I will be calling the manager of Distrikt Nightclub on Monday. Depending on the outcome, I may then need to contact the Better Business Bureau. I believe it is within the city’s best interest for the Bureau to investigate these clubs that many Torontonians go to for a good time.

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To be bored or not to be bored?

nobody@vox.com(Ce) — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 18:32:01 -0700

Ok, so now that I have a deadline [Saturday] for my group project presentation, my mind is totally drifting off to other things I'd rather be doing. For example, surfing the net [I don't really like to do this generally... I get bored really quickly with it!] Another example, is looking at the FunWall posts of UTube postings. I usually ignore these, actually find them annoying. But I've looked at a few and they're actually funny... some of them anyway. I have also been doing some research on owning a dog. Ok fine, I've actually only looked at pictures of dogs that I find extremely cute. I have read a little bit on some of the different breeds. So far, the winner is the Yorkie. This is the dog I have always imagined myself with, but the very thing I find cute about them [their smallness] is the thing that is making me hesitant. Can you hug such a small dog? But, according to research, these would be the best breed for Chris and I right now because these dogs can live in smaller spaces. Also, running around the condo would be enough exercise for these little pups. Lastly, supposedly their fur is actually hair and so I shouldn't be allergic to it. I wonder if it's true?

I was thinking lately, whether it's better to be busy or better to be bored? When I have nothing to do, I get so restless and the day just drags! Especially at work when I surprisingly find myself bored! It's odd because when I'm busy at work I'm REALLY busy! But when I have nothing to do, nothing comes up... know what I mean? Which is the better of the two? Right now I have no idea and I don't even want to contemplate a coherent response because I am just too lazy and procrastinating from my group presentation that I should be working on that I really don't care!

On to doggy research!!

PS - Chris doesn't want to get a dog because he is extremely traumatized from the condo unit on the first floor that stinks so badly when we walk past their door because of their dog.

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The Art of Cooking

nobody@vox.com(Ce) — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 20:25:37 -0700

I dreaded coming home today because Chris had night class, which means he would not be home until later on. I hate being home alone. I used to hate it at home with my parents, and I hate it even more here.. because at least at my parents' place someone is bound to come home at any random time. But here, it's just Chris and I.. so no hope of Chris showing up until his usual time.

As mentioned I was not looking forward to coming home to the empty condo. So I dilly-dallied [as dad would say] my way home. Oddly enough I made it home at the same time as when I rush.. go figure. Got home, turned on all the lights and rolled up my sleeves for a night of cooking.

Turns out it only took me an hour. Mind you I had already cut up the vegetables last night. So today I just had to marinate the chicken. And, I already knew what I was making because I had a long conversation with mom last night on how to make this one particular chicken dish. Let's see, wash the chicken. Easy enough. Put it in a bowl. OK. Add soya sauce, chinese cooking wine... I swear there was something else. Oh yes... pepper! Gotta love that pepper! Done. Now to cook it. Put some oil in a hot pot, add the garlic and brown the chicken. So far so good.... turn the chicken over... um.. um.. WHAT NOW?!? Yikes!.. quick call mom! [Note to self: add mom and dad on phone speed-dial]. Also got the recipe for cooking a nice vegetable dish from mom.

Everything is back on track. In fact, felt pretty comfortable [well, except for the two fingers I burnt], so I made a few calls. 'Elle, what time is ANTM on? Now? Oh, ok...' Told Steve about how I just burnt the stainless steele stovetop covers, then my fingers :(

Anyway, everything turned out perfectly! Chris got out of class early and was home in time just for dinner! He loved the dinner and said he was so proud of me! [Seriously, this was the first dinner I've actually cooked on my own! Last week I went out for dinner with a friend because I dreaded the being home alone night.] I think I will learn to embrace these nights of being alone. We'll see. For now... I will use these nights to master the art of cooking!

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Busybee, Busy Me

nobody@vox.com(Ce) — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:30:11 -0700

So I really thought that after my wedding day I would be the most happiest doing absolutely nothing. I imagined myself lounging on our beautiful white couch in our brand new condo watching LOST. Yeah I know... why LOST? Because one night, when I was completely stressed out with a kazillion things to do, a two-hour LOST recap episode came on. I was INSTANTLY hooked! Maybe it was because I was looking for something, ANYTHING to distract me from all the busy I had in my life... something I could use to procrastinate. I layed on my bed, found a comfortable position and did not move for the next two hours. It was one of the most non-productive, most enjoyable two hours of my life at the time. So yes, I fantasized about buying all of the LOST season DVDs and having a complete LOST marathon at home. That was how I wanted to spend my first few days[?], weeks[?] of my married life... to completely lose myself [no pun intented] and engrosse myself within this TV show.

Ok, back to real life. I have not yet watched the LOST season DVDs. The only TV I've watched this summer is really Big Brother and then more recently The Hills. Other than that I don't really have any shows right now that interest me. I watched Survivor - China tonight. I am curious if Ashley the wrestler will actually survive. She didn't seem as up there as I thought she would... considering her personality as a professional wrestler and all. I think I'd like to get into CSI Las Vegas this season, because of the Miniature Killer. Other than that, I have no clue on any of the new shows because for some reason I have no interest to get more into watching TV.

Surprisingly, instead of embracing the fact that I have absolutely nothing to do, I am finding myself quickly getting bored. Not of married life: we are still having fun with learning to play house and learning to cook. [Thanks Dad for the quick lesson over the phone on how to make a tasty dish out of cabbage. We still need to go over how to cut up the round cabbage into SQUARES.]

But my boredness has blossomed into a type of restlessness. I NEED to do SOMETHING! Yeah, imagine my surprise when i figured that one out. I actually found myself seriously contemplating what was wrong with me. I have absolute freedom to do nothing, and yet I am complaining? The answer is yes. I have come to the conclusion that I am the type of person that needs to be doing something... most of the time. As a friend said to me today 'You are a CONTROL freak'... and as he said that I thought to myself, 'Why yes, yes I am'. And there's nothing wrong with that.. most of the time.

So, since my AHA! moment, I have started a new course towards my HR certificate, I have registered for, fundraised for and campaigned for my friends to join the CIBC Run for the Cure on Sept 30, I am almost serious about running for Board of Directors in my condominium, and I am thinking of starting my own Toastmasters group. Did I mention I am constantly reading two books at a time and have now officially run out of books to read?

And yet... I can't shake that feeling of restlessness. I need to something, ANYTHING!

... hmmm.. should I get a dog?!?

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